Divorce, Remarriage, & Aging Families

This entry is a little bittersweet.

Each week, I have had the opportunity to record my takeaways from what I am learning in my Family Relations class. It is called FAML160, and I am taking the course at BYU-Idaho. With the end of the semester, this is my last blog entry.

With that being said, I am planning to potentially start a new blog and share the things I am learning from my different class in the Marriage & Family Studies major. If I switch to another blogging program, I will be sure to share the link for the new blog on this website.

I am abundantly grateful for the lessons that I am learning through my education. One of the most valuable things for me is that I can take these things with me throughout my entire life journey. I want others to have access to this information as well because I know it has the power to bless and empower individuals and families. 

For our final week in class, the discussion was focused on families with divorce and remarriage. We also discussed aging families. 

Before studying, I related to my own experiences with these things. My mother and father almost got divorced when I was in elementary school. There were many issues in my home including domestic violence. In 2014, my dad passed away from a combination of pneumonia and H1N1 flu. Risk factors such as sleep apnea and obesity made it difficult for him to fight it as well. After a few years, my mom got remarried to my stepdad. Fast-forward a few more years, I moved in with my grandparents for two years before going to college. In this way, I can relate closely to the subjects of divorce, remarriage, and the aging family.

Of these three topics, the one I would like to focus on is remarriage. Specifically, I would like to compare differences between the nuclear and remarried family. The main factor I want to focus on is the partnership between the husband and wife in the relationship. While children are also an extremely important aspect of the system, I want to focus on the marriage relationship because it is essential to setting the family tone and the adults ultimately decide if they are willing to make things work. 

First, there are several factors that may impact the adults in the system. Let's start with nuclear families. In terms of past lovers, nuclear families tend to have little to no unfinished business regarding contact with past lovers. Parental values and attitudes will impact how each spouse interacts with the other in the nuclear family, but there isn't the complication of falling into past patterns or behaviors coming from the relationship with their ex-spouse with the new relationship. Nuclear families may have more idealized expectations and positive attitudes with trying to make the marriage work, especially because this is their "first" time. Emotionally, nuclear families have one life cycle track, so there aren't conflicting emotions in terms of confusion and guilt about responsibility, time, and effort. 

Now let's look at the impact on adults in the remarried system. 

With their past partner, remarried families usually still have contact with their old parent. Even if this is simply out of necessity (such as if they must split time with a child in the case of divorce), this still can create a lot of complications. For example, some might use it as an excuse to hang on to their old spouse or lingering feelings may stick around with contact. I am not saying contact should be avoided or is inherently evil, but rather that it is a risk factor to be mindful of. On a separate note, a positive aspect of remarriage is that there may be more realistic expectations, which can promote a mindset of putting in effort and working for the marriage. This can include increased dedication, interdependence, and flexibility. However, a negative aspect of remarriage could be the complication of two life cycles potentially competing and causing emotional distress such as confusion and conflict of responsibilities.

Clearly, there are distinct and significant differences between these two family systems. Being aware is the first step. 

I would like to conclude by expressing my thanks for supporting this blog. I have learned so much this semester, and I hope that you will be able to take something away from these lessons I have shared. Many thanks, and I will keep you updated about the potential changes in my journey with blogging about family.