Finances & Work in the Family

Finances: what makes or breaks a family.

Well, not completely.

Of course, there is much more to relationhips than just money, which has been discussed over the course of my other blog posts. 

However, money is HUGE! 

For example, if we look just strictly at the numbers, the consistent trend over the years is that finances have been a major motivator for divorce. 

However, what if we looked at things from another perspective?

Instead of thinking of finances as a pressure point or a scary stressor, managing finances with your spouse doesn't have to be a burden. 

In fact, the one thing I wish more couples understood is that finances can become one of the greatest strengths in their marriage. 

It comes down to managing resources.

This requires work, practice, communication, intention, planning, and executing. Perhaps this is part of the reason why it all sounds so scary. However, what are the fruits of all of these things? The consequences are greater unity, trust, love, commitment, and effort in the relationship, along with countless other benefits. 

How does all of that really work though? How do you do this?

Here are three of my best tips as to how to apply these concepts to finances in your marriage:

1) Sharing is Caring

The heading for this one is meant to be a little silly, but my hope is that this will help the message stick. I cannot emphasize how important this principle is!

To provide some context, a current trend on social media is emphasizing how couples shouldn't share nor combine assets. The message is that keeping seperate accounts will help you keep your independence, and it provides a safety net in the case you get a divorce. 

However, I see several things wrong with this line of thinking.

• It encourages secret keeping and deception. It could lead to financial infidelity.
• It increases independence, but decreases interdependence. Interdependence is vital to marriage.
• Anticipating divorce creates danger for the marriage and is actually not a "safety net" at all. It sets you up and prepares you to get divorced.

Benefits to sharing assets is that it necessitates growth in terms of communication, accountability, vulnerability, mutual goal seeking, and more. You learn to work together with your valuable, limited resources. 

Bottom Line: Share your assets.

2) Make a Budget

Start by making a list of your current expenses and everything you are spending your money on right now. 

Consider these questions with your partner:

• What are your needs?
• What are your wants?
• What is your income?
• Is it a fixed or fluctuating income?
• What additional resources do you have?
• Do you have an emerengy fund?
• What are your fixed expenses?
• What expenses are not fixed?
• What are your priorities?
• What goals do you want to save up towards?
• Do you have any debts you need to address?

First, create categories (for example, utilities, rent, entertainment, etc.) to seperate your wants and needs. Figure out how much each category is costing you per week, per month, and/or per year. 

Include any debts you need to address such as student loans, credit cards, etc. These are priority because they keep you from being financially free and interest rates build up fast.

Second, figure out your income and compare it to what your current expenses are.

Third, set up an emergency fund. Generally, you want to have at least $500 set aside in savings. 

Fourth, identify your values and priorities. What goals do you have in the short-term and long-term. Make achievable, specific, time-based goals. 

Fifth, combine all of this and you have a budget! Have regular councils with your partner where you meet about your budget, how it is going, and what adjustments need to be made.

3) Consider All Costs

Many families today have a structure where both parents have a job. However, most of the time, this actually has very little benefit. After taxes, the difference is very little. There are also many other hidden expenses such as work clothes, child care, transportation, food (perhaps you eat out more), etc. Beyond the physical expenses, there are also emotional expenses. There is less time and attention available for spouses to give to each other. On top of this, the children also have to deal with these less than ideal circumstances. It would be worthwhile to look at all costs, physical and emotional, when considering work.

To conclude this post, I would invite you to apply these principles in your marriage. They may save it. These principles have changed me and my life for the better, and I know they have the power to do the same for you too. Choose growth with your partner and choose financial freedom. You can do this!